Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
