You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize