Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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