I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
