I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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