just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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