Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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