I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
