and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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