I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
