yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
