You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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