I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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