Umm I'm too high to move.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
