Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize