Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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