I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize