I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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