everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I touched a dick in church today
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
