I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
