You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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