it hurts more in the daytime
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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