After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
