sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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