marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
