Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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