I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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