Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
