I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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