She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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