our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
