You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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