Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
