Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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