Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
