Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
