My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize