found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I deserve to be covered in dicks
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
