I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
