If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.