I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub