if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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