when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
