we have officially lost it.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
