I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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