he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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