Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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