R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
