Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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