You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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