Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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