miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize