So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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