I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I party with great urgency now.
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