Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
