i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
