I puked a lego.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
