I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
