Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
