Will you blow on my dice?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want nice things and good sex
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
