i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
