Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize